Sunday, April 29, 2012

The cranky cripple

Ahhhh!! It's finally happening! I've been meaning to start a blog for about... oh, 2 years or so, so I'm really glad to finally get around to it. I don't know much about doing this kind of thing, so any suggestions and/or comments are welcome and encouraged. I'm basically going to be flying by the seat of my pants, here. So let's begin.

Announcement #1:
There will be a slight change of programming brought to you by my recent femoral neck stress fracture (and for all those stupid people who decided to read this blog even though I clearly stated in the title that I this was my private place to vent about them, that is a fracture in the NECK of my FEMUR, not in my actual neck. How the fuck would you get a stress fracture in your neck? Too much of that head jerking dance move from the SNL skit with Will Ferrell and whatshisname?). Due to this injury, I have been gifted (I'm trying to put a positive spin on it, folks. Humor me) a set of crutches and ordered to partake in NO exercise for 6-8 weeks.


As you can imagine, being that this blog is about my passion for exercise, this is quite a setback for me. However, given that I will now have a tremendous amount of time on my hands, it also seemed like the perfect opportunity to finally take on this project. AND since exercise has always provided me with an outlet for my feelings and frustrations, I could perhaps relieve some of those here instead. And, viola! The blog was created!

So this is day 2 for me on the crutches. I woke up this morning feeling like someone had tried to pull my arms out of their sockets while I was sleeping--a result of poor crutch technique, perhaps? Or Just a result of the crutches, in general. Either way it hurts like a bitch and I'm not exactly thrilled to slap them under my arms and venture out onto the cruel and judgy NYC sidewalks. I'd much rather sit here on my couch, drink my coffee, and bitch. Ahhhhh the life of an irritated cripple.

On a side note, if anyone else has been on crutches before, I'd love any advice you have to make it a less painful experience. I did tape towels to the tops this morning and I'm hoping that helps a little. But more than that, I'm struggling to find solutions for the little things that keep popping into my head. Yesterday I realized that I would not be able to carry (and drink) my coffee while walking to the train. Or carry anything, for that matter. This is a pretty incredible setback. I am definitely guilty of walk-texting, I make most all my phone calls while walking around the city, I carry coffee, anyone who knows me knows I most always have groceries with me, how will I drop off and pick up my laudnry... the list just seemed to go on and on. I have had several interesting suggestions for solutions to some of these problems. My mom recommended getting a cup that would hang around my neck and had a large straw that I could wear while on my crutches. I immediately ran out and purchased one (That is a joke. I'm struggling enough to walk with crutches. The last thing I need is to choke on the straw of a big gulp sippie cup that's banging against my chest with every step--do you still call them steps with crutches?? with every...swing?). Someone else recommended those beer hats with straws that come out of them. Needless to say, I'm going to be drinking coffee either prior to leaving, or once I arrive at my destination. Thanks friends. But no thanks.

Next dilemma: what about when it rains? I can't hold an umbrella. Will the crutches slip? Again, my mom was quick with a solution. Apparently Lou Brock (Cardinal Baseball player--we'll touch on the importance of this team to me and my family at some point) created a product that is some kind of beanie hat attached to a small umbrella that doesn't require you to use your hands. Do I need to tell you what my decision was about the possibility of using this product? Great.

Laundry and groceries. Basically, these duties are going to be assigned to my personal slaves.

So, problems solved! But really, if anyone has any suggestions on how to deal with these things, I'm all ears.

This seems like a satisfactory amount of complaining for one day, (or at least one blog. I'll dish out the rest in my personal interactions throughout the day), so I'm going to wrap things up. I have a few errands to run (interesting how that phrase now makes me so sad--errands to swing to??) and I'm sure that will supply me with more than enough material to discuss tomorrow. This is going to be a difficult and interesting journey, and hopefully having this outlet will be helpful.
Until tomorrow!

1 comment:

  1. Ha Ha, you're funny! I guess I need to think through my suggestions a little more thoroughly before offering that I know they'll be published! MOM