Thursday, May 31, 2012

Sneaky Saints and other frustrations

Ok folks, it's been WAY too long. I have a lot of pent-up anger and general agitation that needs to be expressed pronto. ...and we're off.

I'm going to begin with the most immediate frustration because it is actually disturbing me from composing this blog post in a smooth, continuous flow. A friend of mine was cast in a show and I wanted to express my congratulations. Unfortunately, I saw his post immediately after it came up on Facebook and I was the first person to say something. Do we all know what this means? It means that every time anyone says anything regarding his accomplishment, I get a nifty little email alert from the FB crew. You're probably wondering why I don't just disable the email alerts from my facebook account, right? Then I wouldn't have to stop typing this every five seconds to see that someone who I've never met in my life said something stupid and useless to my friend. But then I (just had to stop because I got an email) couldn't have (essentially) instant conversations with people via my facebook wall because I wouldn't be notified that they posted on MY WALL. Which I'm actually interested in. I think they should look into fixing that option. I stopped 6 times during this paragraph alone and I'm not happy about it.

Next order of business. Tomorrow is officially 5 weeks since I've been on crutches as well as my first check-up appointment with the doctor who prescribed them. I cannot communicate in words how excited and hopeful I am about this. I know, I know ...he said 6-8 weeks. But I feel no pain!!! Surely, he will tell me that I no longer need them and I'm free to resume my normal life and activity level. I don't see a lot of other options as currently my sides are completely raw due to the fact that Summer started 5 minutes ago and bare skin + crutches = extreme redness and discomfort. My crutches and I are in a fight and I'd like them to move out. If the doctor could be so kind as to help expedite this process I would be overjoyed. I'm also ready to be done with people on the subway. I'm not sure what they've been spraying on the subway seats (rat poop and homeless people urine) but it's causing the subway riders to get very tude-y with me about my choice to accept or decline an offered seat. Just because I have crutches does not mean I always want to sit down, and I feel that this should be my decision to make. In the beginning (not of time, just to be clear) when a kind stranger would offer his or her seat, "Oh! You have crutches! You simply MUST take my seat!!" and I kindly refused, "Why thank you good Sir, but I would prefer to stand the remainder of the journey," both parties would nod and smile and then carry on about our merry commute. Recently however, the individual offering has become rather snarky about my refusal, mumbling to the person next to them (or no one at all--people do that a lot here. Yes sir, I can see that there is no one around for you to pretend to be talking to so that you can say what you wish you could say to my face to someone else and know that I will still hear you) , "She should NOT be standing," or "How ridiculous,". If I want to sit in a goddamn seat then I will, ok?! I have every right not to sit down if I so choose and I would appreciate you reserving judgment! If anything, you should shut your mouth and be fucking grateful that I am allowing you to continue to sit there!! What the hell is wrong with you?? Then I feel the need to offer and explanation, "I sit at work all day so I'm fine to stand, thank you," and I can see that the individual is still displeased with me so I turn and face the opposite direction, only to be offered a seat by twelve more people consecutively. I JUST SAID NO TO THE LAST ELEVEN PEOPLE. PAY ATTENTION.

 At this point I realize I'm overreacting and I should just be overwhelmed by the kindness which surrounds me but you know this is all self-motivated. That man who first offered was hoping I'd sleep with him if he gave me his seat. And the next person just wanted the recognition from the rest of the subway car--that nod of approval that he did something "right", perhaps a father nudging his son and pointing saying, "There, son. You see how he just gave his seat to a cripple? That's a real man, there." Well I'm onto you, Sir. And I will continue to stand out of pure spite.

Another reason I can't wait to get off these damn piece of shit crutches is because I went to Central Park and watched a game of softball today (I was invited, ok? I don't just go creeping around the park looking for little boys softball games to "watch". And it was adults.) and it awakened a yearning in me to return to the world of competitive sports. I haven't played softball since junior high but man, did I wanna run out onto that field today. Especially since most of the female performances left something to be desired (wtf girls? Man up! Why am I ALWAYS having to say that to our gender??). I miss playing soccer a lot too. In fact I checked out the registration information for ZogSports online as soon as I got to work. Kickball, corn toss, wiffle ball, dogeball... the possibilities are endless. I just wanna crush someone in something. I. Can't. Wait.

On that note, I'm trying to decide what to do first when I get the nod on losing my crutches. I'm leaning towards running because that I literally have not done one time since the day I got them. It kinda blows my mind to think about that. I haven't run for 5 weeks. Over a month. Will I remember how (yes, ass hole I know I will, but bear with me here)? Will I trip and fall like a gangly, uncoordinated teenager (I'm not gangly at all so that seems unlikely...)? Will I get half a block and be exhausted or will it be so exhilarating to re-embrace my ability that my stamina will be endless?? Oh, the unanswered questions that plague me!!!!

 So anyway. Point being, I'm feeling a celebration coming if, I mean WHEN, the good news comes TOMORROW. Everyone cross your fingers!!!

And now...picture time. Just some things that jumped out at me.

I don't even know what these are. Obviously some kind of Reese's encased cookie... although it almost looks like a crust on the bottom and a different texture on the top. And is that marshmallow or ice cream in the middle? Maybe this level of analysis is a tad overkill...

'nuff said.

I made the same face when my mom made me wear this outfit.

That's a wrap!! Toodles!

1 comment:

  1. And I saved that outfit for you to pass on....
    You need to eat some happy apple before your next post!